i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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