I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
