roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
