im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
