I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
