I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
