Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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