have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
