I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
