I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
It's shark week go big or go home
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
