Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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