You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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