awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
