so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
