i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Randomize
