Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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