i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
