i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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