I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
