By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
