the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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