ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
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