honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
