dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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