It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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