My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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