I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
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