i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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