im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
he just fucked me for my cheese..
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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