Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
