I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
