yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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