I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
