you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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