): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
