how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
