Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
