How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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