i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
