All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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