My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Who died my cat blue again?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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