dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
