We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
