We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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