SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
The uberlube is also flammable
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
