too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
