Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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