Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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