I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
