Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
