I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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