So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
