I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
zippers are such a cool invention
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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