My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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